Meaningful Connections

A POST PUBLICATION UPDATE - The GREAT VALUE of the INTERNET

SHYNESS IS NOT A VIRTUE

OK - I actually got my book published. So I have accompished half of my objective of  changing the world for the better. This half is organizing my content and making it public. The next half is connecting with increasing numbers of interested readers.  This task has been daunting and challenging to say the least.

As my book - DEMYSTIFYING MEANINGFUL COINCIDENCES (SYNCHRONICITIES): The Evolving Self, The Personal Unconscious, and The Careative Process is 'officially' slotted as an "academic" book it is not sold in the book stores. Instead it is only sold online (Amazon, Barnes and Noble, and the publisher: Jacob Aronson.) This means no paid book tours (a thing of the past unless your last name is spelled Palin). It also means it is only printed as a hard cover with a hefty price of $70.00 (discounted to $56.00) until a year or so goes by. Then it will probably be printed as a soft cover edition as well. This means I have to do all the work to get 'it' out there.

In this connection I have had a number of events including a book release event in an art gallery in New York coincidentally named Synchronicity. I also have appeared on the Laurie Nadel radio show twice. Additionally I was invited to be a panelist on a conference called Introspective Truth in Bloomington, Indiana at Indiana University. Next Thursday night I am scheduled to be interviewed by Connie (Gather) from Thursday April 22nd at 9PM ET. [I LOVE BOOKS]

In two weeks I am going to be in another event at which I am going to be on a panel discussing alternative synchronicity theories and their clinical applications. I am very much looking forward to this event as it will be the first time that my alternative natural non Jungian - non mystical/magical theory will be critiqued by some Jungian proponents.

All in all I am quite pleased and excited by my new found sense of purpose and direction. My aim is to find a way to be tapped into the circle of 'experts' who are invited to travel all over the world to make speaking engagments to various conferences and the likes.

I see that this process is slow and steady - like planting a seed, with the aim of initiating a root system, which if properly nurtured should enventually flower. I am throroughly dedicated to obtaining my objective and spurred on by the fact that if Ms. Palin can do it why not me.

DESPITE MULTIPLE FEARS MY FIRST PUBLISHED BOOK IS ABOUT TO BE BORN

                                   I the TURTLE

So it was really a delight to have received an official contract by a reputable publisher to publish my first book: DEMYSTIFYING MEANINGFUL COINCIDENCES: (SYNCHRONICITIES) - The Evolving Self, The Personal Unconscious, and The Creative Process.

That is until I came face to face with what I had to do to finish it. I made a smart move years back in not backing down from completing my dissertation. I was on the verge of it many times but persisted. That is the number one reason why I have been able to finish the requirements to publish my book. None of the requirements such as endless editing, revising, cutting, adding, are all that difficult. What has been difficult for me is to face up to an intensity of fears ranging from fear of failure to fear of success. You know the very fears that we work with everyday [as a psychoanalyst]. ... only they are with myself, and in my case have intensified.

When I got in my final revisions last month I initially breathed a sigh of relief which lasted only one day when - in Barnes and Noble - I had a panic attack realizing that by the end of December I would quite likely have my book for sale probably on one of the tables of new books... It was then that I cringed suffering from exposure anxiety  anticipating an attack of horrendous shame wondering: what if someone actually reads it - what if I sound stupid ... you know all the usual obsessional non sense - but when it's you - the nonsense seems quite real. So I got through all that nonsense - but couldn't shake the feeling that I would mess up or be 'caught' by some unforeseen issue - like a totally absurd piece of logic central to my main argument - which precipitating an unprecedented ripping up of my contract....

So I got over that - until yesterday -  when I was told that they needed me to choose my cover with an image- if I so desire - plus, authorize the front and back material... and to do so as quickly as possible, as they want to try to make a December deadline... My small panic attack was fielded with a minimum of effort...

Chalk up another trench taken in my internal war for to thrive ....

THE MORAL of the STORY:

In making a commitment to struggling with struggle  one can become used to anything - like war and publishing a first book.

NEARING the PUBLICATION DATE of MY FIRST BOOK - Decompressing!

      Reflections Along the Way to Publishing My First Book.

• Of course it felt good to get an official contract from a reputable publisher.
• The good feeling lasted for about two days until I went to buy a book at my local Barnes and Nobles. As I observed all of the books for sale, 'it ' hit me. If I complete the manuscript by my  deadline of July 15th my book will be published by November.
•  This should have been a joyous realization. Right? So it was for about two minutes - long enough to realize that I would be  wide open for who knows what judgments. Above all I thought I don't want to embarrass myself. The words of Mark Twain came to mind: Better to remain silent and let people think you are stupid than to say something and remove all doubts about it.
• From that moment  I immersed myself in a kind of a bubble. Virtually every spare moment for the last 4 months has been dedicated to doing justice to my work. I  retreated to my basement 'cave' that has my main computer, an accumulation of literally decades of research notes, about 40 books , many  with their jackets falling apart, their spines broken, and pages so underlined that their texts are almost incomprehensible.
• Forty years of investigating the perplexities of meaningful coincidences (synchronicities) -
• Edit, edit, edit... One minute I'm high believing I have finally aced the preface and at least the first chapter, only upon rereading both, plummeting the next wondering how I could possibly have been so unclear and incoherent.
• It's a good thing I decided to work as hard and disciplined as I experienced time race by.  Suddenly the deadline was in sight. Good for me I thought as the major work was finished except for the last chapter and the footnotes.
• How could I have possibly miscalculated? Those damn dreaded footnotes.... I should have known better in doing my research. Points for faithfully copying  the substance but boos for having often omitted  recording the sources, and dates of the material.
• All of the material could be and had to be and has been retrieved but time pressures were mounting.
• Don't panic I told myself as the deadline loomed ever closer. Most of it is done except the last chapter.
• Only the last chapter? Are you kidding?
• Steady as ye goes - experiencing a looming fight between me as  simultaneously 'cool' and  'pre panicky'.
• There was justification for my panic. Having identified in the past with the character who played in the movie: "The loneliness of the long distance runner" I have been known to clutch at just this point in the past and was worried I might choke again.
• The night before the deadline I realized I must complete the last chapter but I was nearly out of time.
• I decided I had no other choice but to trust my instincts... and remarkably twenty five pages poured out of me that was surprisingly  coherent, clear, and cohesive, in sync with my topic  and my arguments.
• I was almost ready enough to send my manuscript the next day but was fortunate to receive an unexpected present from my gracious editor. As she was going on a two week vacation she said to wait till she returned. Marvelous! A two week reprieve. Gave me two extra weeks to finish all the fine details.... I could complete the dreaded notes, make sure I had all the references to my 10 page bibliography.... see if I could or should sqeeze one more powerful quotation to nail down my argument...
• I could go on forever - continuing to expand, think of another idea, marshal great quotes to nail down my arguments - But this work has to end. What's enough?
• The solution to what's enough is that my research is a work in progress...Ok enough! I had reached the end, for now  - But how to end.... Then as if by magic it came to me: I had the perfect two line ending with a poem by Ralph Waldo Emerson:

                "Do not go where the path may lead; go instead

                       where there is no path and leave a trail."

With my ending in tact I sent my five pounds of material to my editor. Yesterday I have been as exhausted as I have ever been in my life. Today the exhaustion continues. A horrible fantasy  of my obituary: "First time author completes his 40 year research project but dies from exhaustion the day before publication." 

 I could sleep for a month. I feel the need to decompress....

I imagine I am experiencing some of the feelings typically voiced by a first time mother who has just given birth anxiously waiting for the doctor's feedback as to the baby's apgar score. I hope my "baby" will have all of its basic parts such as its fingers and toes, and color, within normal limits and the likes.

So now I restlessly await the judgment of my editor who will likely see my submitted manuscript on Monday. But regardless of her opinion, I can honestly say I did the very best I was able to do and pleased that I pushed myself to the max.

For those who are interested the official name of my book is:

Demystifying Meaningful Coincidences (Synchronicities):
The Evolving Self, The Personal Unconscious, and The Creative Process.

The editor told me she expects to have it published by late October or early November of this year - 2009.