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THE MISSING TWIN TOWERS 09/12/01

  • 911
    On 09/12/01 I walked from 14th street and Union Square down to the hole in the ground that used to be the Twin Towers. It was an eerie and surrealistic experience. Check points with soldiers and policemen were on every block. Somehow I found a way to get to within two blocks of the center of the destruction. The light had a strange brownish glow due to a mixture of the heavy particles of the disentegrated buildings filtering the winter sunlight. Many people were wearing face masks to help them breathe. I was struck by the nearly universal dazed and shocked expressions of a multitude of awe struck onlookers like myself. However, as bad as it was, I was also struck by the noble activity of hundreds - or was it thousands - of workers and volunteers that were quietly, and methodically attending to the grim work of cleaning up this horrible lower manhatten "Pearl Harbor" mess. Returning to Union Square I came upon a hastily erected evolving memorial. On subequent days I came upon similar memorials, most notably a large one in Grand Central Station. What most stirred me were pictures of kin who were unaccounted for as yet, apparently posted by relatives and friends, desperately clinging to the hope that their loved ones had some escaped the horror and might be recognized by someone, anyone, who would take the time to carefully scan their names and faces and. if indeed spotted, would hopefully notify them. It was quite shaking to have to face up to the brutal fact that nothing is absolutely secure - life is tenuous at best. Perhaps all that can be done at such times is to try to remain steady and, if so inclined, to record such occurrences as objectively as is humanly possible.

AUTUMN IN NEW YORK

  • AUTUMN TRIUMPH
    I was feeling depressed yesterday morning. Additionally I was restless and somewhat agitated. My body wanted movement. I looked outside noticing that the fall colors were shimmering flooded with sunlight. I picked up my small canon camera and decided to take a walk around the neighborhood. The walk was magical. The pictures that follow speak for themselves. After only a few pictures it was obvious that my depression completely lifted. My conclusion is that immersion in nature - any season - is likely to be the best natural anti-depressant.

THE CHRISTOS' GATES

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THE CHRISTOS' GATES in the SNOW

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NATURE'S GLORY

  • New York City Fruit Stand #3
    What I most love about nature is it is so natural. It is what it is. It is so full of beauty. It gives so much and asks for nothing in return. Most of the flowers and yard photogaphs are a theme and variation from flowers and tomatos I plant each spring. I enjoy watching the buds ripening and opening up. I particularly enjoy the uniqueness of each flower as it unfolds sometime mid summer. As I zoom in for closeups I sense these colorful mysteries speak to some elemental and most essential best prrt of me. As I focus upon the details of each unique flower, or fruit, or tree, or mixture of shadow and light, or glitter, or sparkles, I feel as connected to being alive and resonant with my natural 'friends' as at any time or with any people in my life. I appreciate the democratic spirit clusters of flowers have for themselves collectively and individually. They seem to celebrate being alive as they unself consciously display their radiance for whomever wishes to take note - or not. They seem utterly indifferent whether anyone cares or not. They don't fuss or get irritated as they 'graciously' make room for each other. I can appreciate what Van Gogh felt in the open sunlight painting his sun flowers and hay stalks - giddily - passionately grasping for the right words as he expressed his feelingsin his letters to Theo {his brother}. Observing nature with direct perception, not having to find words to describe what is experienced, is a tonic for me - a being who derives his lively hood from systematically searching for just right words.

TIMES SQUARE, ETC.

  • Washington Square Arch Newly Litup
    Times square by day or night pulsates with excitement, noise, and electricity. If you are bored, or under stimulated go to Broadway and 42nd street to be atmospherically reinvigorated. No need to spend a fortune going to usually dissappointing theatre - just stand on a corner in Times Square and watch the passing show - fixed or in motion. A well crafted building is a joy to behold. Equally so are machines like the Metro North Railway trains, stations, tracks, wires virtually all of the trappings that go into making a transportation system. So too - unusual scenes such as colorful canoes glittering amongst tall green pine trees on a bright sun filled summer day delights my senses and stirs my soul. There is so much not to like but it is all worth it when my senses are stimulated. It is very true: you can't appreciate the light unless you can take note of the darkness.

RECORD SNOW STORM

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October 06, 2007

A DAD'S COLLEGE BLUES

               GOOD NEWS - BAD NEWS - GOOD NEWS

GOOD NEWS

After a tumultuous year of pre college screening trips, numerous applications, waves of tension/anxiety, etc. etc. etc. our daughter lucked out and got into a college that fits her to a tee. My wife - who did the majority of the preparatory work - and I - to some extent - could savor this moment of parental glory. But nothing is perfect ....

BAD NEWS

Whereas it is not overwhelming I never expected to experience such a protracted sense of loss obviously associated with our daughter absence. Not that she had spent much time in  our home during her senior year. Yet she was physically here and her presence made a strong and positive impact on all of us.

So it wasn't a coincidence when last night I experienced  a strong wave of missing my daughter about 8 PM. Hesitating, I took a shot and called her cell phone even though I knew I was running the risk of intruding on her Friday night fun time.

Hoping she would answer and also be in a good mood I thought about greeting her with some tender and restrained something or other. After two rings she spoke and out of my mouth came an unexpected loud insistent command mostly in gest but, if the real truth be known, truly heartfelt: "Caitlyn, I miss you too much. You come home right away!

GOOD NEWS
Excitedly she said: "Dad isn't that amazing. I was thinking about you just before you called as I was planning to phone you in a few minutes. She went on to tell me she had just received great news that she scored a relatively high grade on her first psychology test which gives her confidence that she broke the psychology test ice in good form.

It was wonderful speaking with her and for the moment sealed over the all pervasive atmosphere of missing. She also added that she was looking forward to taking her first college break this coming Friday for three whole days.

I remember the thrill of looking forward to coming home on Christmas break during my own Freshman year nearly a half century ago. Except for me the reality was a decided let down relative to my unrealistic anticipation of it.

My conclusion is: Freud was - is -  right on: "The truest things are said in jest. " Missing - really missing -  hurts alot, but it is a good feeling in a way as it will be a true delight to have our daughter with us again - if only for a few short but highly meaningful days.

October 06, 2007 in SIMPLE PLEASURES |

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