A RESPONSE TO KATHRYN ESPLIN OLESKI'S IMPORTANT ARTICLE:
MY NEW GATHER RULES - /viewArticle.jsp?articleId=281474976776153#comments
This article was originally meant to be a response to a problem of an addiction to Gather - another community. However the same ideas apply to those who believe they are suffering from Typepad addiction.
In my comment to Kathryn's article I said:
This issue concerns me personally and professionally. I identify with the 'addictive'- like spell that the Gather atmosphere appears to cast over many of us – me included. Since I read this highly interesting thread this morning I have been reflecting on some of the themes you and others have raised. These themes are symptoms of addiction to Gather, some proposed causes, and suggestions to effect a cure.
SYMPTOMS of ADDICTION TO GATHER:
Katheryn described a number of symptoms including:
- sleep deprivation
- neglecting other important activities (house cleaning, being late for work, caring and relating to family members
- a problem dragging oneself away from the computer
- fitful restless sleeping often resulting in getting up during the night and reading and or writing articles for Gather
- associated physical and psychological symptoms i.e. a feeling of being in the grips of forces beyond her control
SOME PROPOSED CAUSES
Comment:
Behavior is rightfully called addictive when a person can no longer choose to stop doing it. The usual motive for behavior becoming addictive is to avoid the pain associated with such unpleasant affects as anxiety, depression, tension, and frustration. This is the major reason why many alcoholics and drug addicts get hooked on their substance of choice.
But there is a curious wrinkle in the case of Gather as virtually all of the comments indicate that it is not pain that is being avoided but, instead the pursuit of pleasure that motivates Gather addicts to compulsively read and write.Why is this so? And what are the implications for Gather addicts?
Joining Katheryn's comments together it is noted that she has a number of sources of pleasure derived from her Gather experience. The following is a list of these various sources of pleasure I believe are valid causes of Gather Addiction for both her and others.
Gather functions as:
- a social network that fulfills a powerful need for community
- a central place to gain attention
- a vehicle for being recognized and validated for ones content, form, uniqueness, {eccentricities), style
- an opportunity to he helpful and to help,
- an experimental laboratory where one is free to be natural, inventive, provocative, challenging, precise, well reasoned, silly, frivolous, obnoxious, in short be anything you wish.
- We all have in common an appreciation for the actual and potential power of words. We take words very seriously. We are especially impacted by special words arranged in special ways.
- We are all sensitive to the potential and sometimes actual power that special words expressed in special ways impact on our individual and collective psyches.
- We are optimsitic that our words may have transforming powers to entertain, comfort, inform, indeed signigficantly revolutionalize even encrusted life time attitudes.
- Gather is our own special place – an odd combination of both a private and public place that each of us can retreat to when ever we desire to do so.
- Gather is timeless in the sense that it is always there – 24 hours a day. It can function as an escape, and or an opportunity to be as creative and original as one has the courage and the daring to do so.
- Gathers have the choice to accept and or to reject anyone at any time by simply not responding. And if one wishes to they can get their rocks off being as obnoxious, confronting, even hostile to those who are familiar as well as to strangers.
- If Gathers become bored with the 'here we go again' predictability of the community of the moment, all they need to do is wait a few days and a whole new influx of Gatherers will inevitably stir the pot.
SUMMARY:
All of the above are associated with being turned on – actively engaged - in the pursuit of pleasure. This need and opportunity to be actively engaged motivates the intense high associated with the gather experience which might be referred to as the search for and sometimes fulfillment of a compelling need for meaningful connections.
SO WHAT IS THE PROBLEM?
As is the case with all addictions the problem is not the high but the hangover the next day. The hangover in this case is sleep deprivation and neglect of other valued activities. This creates a serious imbalance in the self of a person addicted to Gather.
A SUGGESTED CURE
In an accurate definition of a problem lies an embedded solution. Thus if the core problem underlying a Gather addiction is too much pleasure then the cure consists of taking steps to create and use a psychological governor. This will result in the imbalanced Gather addict attaining a personal balance point.
Good idea you might say. But easier said than done. How do people create their own personal balance points? The following may be helpful in taking the negative part of these "symptoms" and converting them into a truly enjoyable guilt free and more balanced experience.
It is important to be aware that all behavior is purposeful and has develomental origions. In the case of Gather human beings like to maximize pleasure and minimize pain. Clearly the Gather experience is highly pleasurable for all of us - except for the symtoms that occur from over use.
Developmental Origins:
Analytically the following developmental issues are associated with addiction. Among them are:
- the resentment that children often had when their pleasurable activities are curtailed by the often 'duller' announcement by the 'un-empathic' mother that it is time to go to bed. This suggests that some Gathers may be protesting this childhood indignity as if to say I will go or not go to bed when I choose and no one can dictate to me when and if . ….
- Another childhood feeling that is normal and widespread is the mistaken belief that the child will miss out on something vitally important. They resent being excluded from the perceived excitement of the parents. I remember spending many uncomfortable hours sitting at the top of the stairs listening to the sounds of the party below wishing we were included instead of our having to go to bed and of course to sleep. Ugh!
- One other early developmental origin often resulting in an imbalance of needs later on in life is a resentment about the inevitability of accepting realistic limitations. A widespread childhood fantasy is when I am an adult I will be absolutely free to do anything I want to with no restrictions. This, of course, is true but it is equally true that our bodies and minds being what they are - are in need of energy renewal.
SUMMARY
So what to do when there is a major conflict between the pleasure in experiencing pleasure experienced in making meaningful connections versus the hangover that inevitably occurs when there is too much of a good thing.
HOW TO ACHIEVE A PERSONAL BALANCE POINT
Fortunately there is a simple formula that if it makes sense and is followed will lead to a balanced self. This formula is time = libido.
This means that there is no time. What there is emptiness that needs to be filled by directed and focused energy (libido). This is a process called meaning making.
The good news is that unless we as individuals attend to whatever raw data surrounding us there is no meaning. For all practical purposes the show is over unless we attend it. This means that in reality nothing is really lost if we shut down for the night as we are not there to make meaning out of it. And when we are bright and alert and recharged we can resume where we left off.
Gather, in this connection is perfect for all of us. By its brilliant structure it is arranged so that we can leave off and resume exactly when and where we wish to.
CONCLUSION
So take heart fellow addicts – we are addicted not in the service of avoiding pain but in pursing too much pleasure at one time. If we use our free will to impose necessary limits on us that enough is enough - and remember tomorrow is another day - we will somehat have our cake and eat it.
I fear I have written too much and will end here. But this article has really stimulated me and after I go out and have a hamburger I will wrestle with the next article I feel compelled to write. At some point when I am good and fatigued I will knock off for the night looking forward to resuming tomorrow.
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